Archive for the ‘deafness’ Category

The dreams of children

November 24, 2007

The dreams that we hold about having our children… and the reality given and the new dreams held

Dreams of all my life
The children we always wished for
Years go by like lightning
But the expectations soar

Wanting perfection
Working day and night for our bread
Trying to observe each smile,
accomplishment, and word said

When the progression is difficult
than the way you thought
it can be easy to despair;
when the child doesn’t speak, you doubt

The deafness and the silence, and even times with speech,
yet centered in their self fulfillment,
yet merged with our duty and responsibility
can make you wonder where meaning went

Others don’t understand
the way our lives progress
only in humor can we survive
The surroundings can appear a mess

and the heart, indeed, can be torn
as the love is strong as fire
burning in fierce protection
knows how their odds are dire

Chasing a boy, so active and bright,
running in glee
before he breaks the dishes
and plugs cords into electricity

The older child, a man,
yet speechless he is
locked in his world, caught,
yet we glory at each new task taught

We watch for each new joy
yet fight for rights unknown
the road is full of mire
but the Light of God is shown

copyright criscollrj.com dori 11/24/07

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Trying to add perfect contracts — and thoughts on hearing loss

May 8, 2007

The life of us entrepreneurs (is that what we are?) — always seeking to do the best with our contracts yet keeping an eye on what else is out there. Sometimes there is enough variety in one contract to keep you going strong (Rog is kind of in that position now with his company, thank the Lord!) and really I am very lucky too with the places I work for that I can do a variety and get a lot of work. I am mostly doing insurance transcripts now just recently, which I love, as I was getting burned out with some other stuff I had been doing but it was later in the day and I just couldn’t keep up with it.

My eyes are always open though – there is a company I’d heard ravings about so I tested with them last year, and to my disappointment I failed the test (didn’t know why at the time but later looked it all over and saw where I’d missed two directions). Then I passed like 4 after that and one was the insurance one which I am enjoying greatly.

So then I hadn’t tested in almost a year. When I heard that this place had opened their testing doors again after 10 months, I was nervous. I missed the first round of testing in March, but when they were ready in late April I was like the first one to test. I went over this test with a fine tooth comb. I relistened 4 times. I re-read the direction at least 5 times. Held on to it an extra five minutes before mailing, looked at it again. And finally sent it out, on April 26.

I had been waiting all this time for a reply, but kept busy, helping one company through her really busy week (then burned myself out and got sick and couldn’t do any more of that at this point), then got back with the morning insurance calls – much easier on me and the family – and applied at 3 other places to do some legal trans (hopefully just in the mornings!). Then tonight – the green Eprompter light was on. The GREEN one. The email my test results come to. I had been looking for it for 11 days. Had been looking for invitation to test for a month before that. The green one. There It Was.

So then I hit the wrong button and opened my real player or something — grrr. got that closed. Opened the email finally –

rejection. I was so disappointed. Even though I know this particular contract only accepts 10% – I was very sad. I actually cried. I didn’t cry last year, but last year I figured was a fluke. I ALWAYS pass tests. I actually do. I’m very determined and usually pass them. I go over them with fine tooth combs. I’m a perfectionist nitpicky OCD freak when it comes to transcription testing.

Well – I take that back, in 2000 I DID fail a test but it was a HUGE one (like 6 hours long), it was a “paid” test, and I overscheduled myself and did that test along with a huge backload of other work AND my computer crashed – I didn’t get that job — but I digress.

HOW CAN I FAIL THIS TEST TWICE?

Then I start worrying it’s my hearing. Is my hearing going more? But that’s silly – I added a contract last month and got a good score – and my other contract (insurance) keeps giving me work and added me on as a proofer too – if my hearing was going would I still have these contracts?

I hope my hearing loss is not quite as progressive as the boys. I don’t know if there’s going to be a day when I can’t transcribe any more – but so far it seems the headphones enhance my hearing greatly, and I always clear up most of my inaudibles on my second listening. I have had no complaints, usually. But, it is a fear.

I have one hearing aide – can’t remember if I ever wrote it in here. I don’t wear it often (should wear it more). I got it last summer. I do have a “high pitch” hearing loss in left ear and a less severe one in right ear no aide in that ear). I just have trouble in large groups pretty much. Otherwise I hear fairly well.

silence, and PDD

February 21, 2007

I think about what it must be like for Chris, not being able to hear or speak. I don’t think about it often, though, because it will make me cry and look at things that seem unfixable. But I know God has a plan and a purpose, though it’s hard to see what it is. Read the rest of this entry »